by Chris Jani

We do not get a second chance to parent our children. There is a lot of life still remaining for work and ministry after the children are grown and have left home. These are some of the things I've come to realize in this season of my life, and they help me to concentrate on being a mom – it is the most important job of my life.

I think it is possible for mothers to work and also be fantastic moms. My own mother always worked and she was a great mother, and I know lots of working women who are good mothers. However, I also know many children who have paid a high price because their mothers were busy outside of the home or were simply exhausted from too many responsibilities. The children who developed well in spite of this were children who had another important person, such as a grandmother, who was always available when the parents were not.

A lot of people around me seem to place parenting on a second or third priority level. For me, parenting is a high calling – the most important ministry I am involved in during this season of my life. What good is it if we devote ourselves to all kinds of flashy or impres- sive projects, but then neglect the most formative years of our children's lives? It is hard for me to say no to requests for help. But whenever I have been very busy or active with what people often call “ministry,” it has had a negative effect on my children. In the mean- time, the time I have to shape and influence my children flies by...

Parenting costs time and energy, but I consider it a long-term investment that will even- tually pay far greater dividends than the initial investment I make. The joy of ongoing relationship with my children, of seeing them love God and grow up to be healthy, happy individuals who contribute something good to society – these are the dividends that are passed on to my children, my grandchildren, their children, and future generations.

Some people believe it affects their chances of advancement or future employment if they choose parenting over job security. I understand that single parents don’t have the option to stay at home with their children and that some couples really struggle to sur- vive and feel they have no choice but to both work. However, when you consider the long- term consequences of children being cared for and raised primarily outside of the home, it becomes clear that both the parents and the children pay a very high price. I wish that all children could have what in previous generations was considered the norm: parents who are present to care for them most of the time, especially during early childhood.
I have an Associate degree in Early Childhood Education and I know what it means for children to not be cared for by their parents. These children spend most of their early years with people who sometimes don't care what foundation is laid in their lives and who may not love them as selflessly as the children's parents might. Caregivers some- times have so many children to care for that an individual child may be easily overlooked. Of course, there are certainly good teachers and day care workers, but they simply can- not replace what a loving mother and father can offer their children: security, accept- ance, a sense of being loved and valued, and the confidence that a promising future lies ahead of them – one in which they can make a valuable contribution to society.

We live as missionaries in a post-communist nation. It is amazing to see how successful the communists have been in changing the thinking of Eastern Europeans. One of their key strategies was to transfer the responsibility of raising children from parents to the govern- ment, by introducing all-day childcare from an early age. Their worldview was imprinted on the children right from the start, and it was effective. How can we so easily turn our children over to the care of someone who will influence their thinking and value system? Deuteronomy 6:5 tells that parents are responsible for their own children.

The needs of young children are relatively easy to meet. But “easy” does not mean insignificant. When these simple needs are not met, the result can be deep emotional wounding that often requires a long and difficult process for healing. What do young children need? They need us to fill their love tanks by spending quality time with them. They feel that they are loved when we listen to them and try to hear what they are say- ing. We communicate love and value to them by how we touch them and how we look at them. If we are not there when they need us, we can't make up for it later. Who can replace a mother or father? The joy of seeing their “firsts” in the lives of our children (their first smile, first words, first steps...) is irreplaceable.

Of course, parenting does not stop with early childhood, nor does it become any less important. After the early childhood phase, parenting becomes perhaps even more com- plicated. One thing is clear: the more time a child spends with a person, the greater that person’s influence on his or her life. Whom do we want to deeply influence our children?
Jesus' mother, Mary, was, of course, a mother. She didn't despise her role but, rather, pon- dered it in her heart. The fact that she was the mother of Jesus did not make her job any more glamorous than that of mothers today. She also had to change diapers and do a variety of mundane daily chores. When we do these things with joy, it can even be fun. Our children observe us and our attitude transfers to them.

The way we live together as a family and treat each other is observed by many people. Our whole life is ministry, not just the times when we are doing Christian service in mis- sions or in church. Bringing others into our family is another way of touching lives. May we all have the courage to reconsider our priorities for the phase we are in.

I don’t want to be motivated by self-seeking desires or unmet needs in my own life, but I want to allow God to make me into the person He intends me to be. One of the results of this will be that I allow my children to develop into the people that He intends them to be. Being a mother gives me more fulfillment than anything else I have ever done. I was 34 years old when my first child was born. Until then, I had had plenty of time and opportunity to do many things in many places around the world. Those were great years and there will be many more great years ahead when the children are grown. But for now, I don't want to miss out on being “mom.”